Raiders pledge to select a woman of color with 1st draft pick
With the 22nd overall pick of the 2022 NFL draft, the Las Vegas Raiders have pledged to select a woman of color. On the shortlist of top prospects are Joy Reid (Offensive Tackle), Whoopi Goldberg (Offensive Leftist Guard), Kamala Harris (Punter), and Rihanna (Tight End).
The Raiders are the most woke team in all of the NFL. In 2020, in lock-step with government and media COVID-19 hysteria, the Raiders played all of their home games without fans in attendance. In 2021 the Raiders required fans to provide proof of vaccination in order to attend home games. The Raiders were also happy to see John Gruden have his emails hacked, and then get forced to resign.
Raiders owner Mark Davis dismissed suggestions by conservatives that the Raiders should select a player based on qualifications, saying that “diversity is our strength”.
Meanwhile, the late Raiders owner Al Davis was seen rolling in his grave, wishing that he had bequeathed his estate to Donald Trump instead.
Pauly Graf
On his résumé, Pauly claims to be the bastardly baby of Pauly Shore and Steffi Graf. When we asked Pauly Graf to take a lie detector, he refused, and so we hired him. Yeah, we know he doesn't check the diversity box, but wait.... Pauly identifies as being black, so we're good!