Cockroach found burrowing inside Nancy Pelosi’s eyelid
A cockroach was extracted from the dark crevice of Nancy Pelosi’s upper right eye cavity. How it got there is anyone’s guess. Doctors are theorizing that her ability to stoop to gutter-level politics has produced a stench that is irresistible to odor-seeking insects like cockroaches.
Using a pair of forceps, Pelosi’s doctor successfully performed the cockroach extraction. To help prevent reinfection, Pelosi was prescribed an industrial-strength insecticidal spray. However, doctors cautioned that insecticidal treatment has limited effectiveness. The only foolproof way to prevent reinfection is for Pelosi to quit her sick addiction to engaging in vile, rotten politics. During her 87 year political career, Pelosi has left behind a trail of callous lies and smears, dating back to when she likened Republican presidential candidate Thomas Dewey (R) to “Hitler” in order to help FDR get re-elected in 1944. Most recently, Pelosi characterized Republican efforts to implement voting security measures as a “return to Jim Crow”.
As a last line of defense, doctors have pleaded with Pelosi to avoid visiting her home city of San Francisco. San Francisco has become so overcrowded with homeless people that the cockroach population has exploded. Fortunately, Pelosi seems to have heeded this advice by vacationing maskless in the clean state of Florida.
Wi Tu Lo
Wi is part of our outsourced labor team. Instead of having to pay some demanding American the outrageous rate of $7.25 an hour, we keep Wi on our payroll for just 13 cents an hour. Best of all, Wi is thrilled to work in a rat infested sweat shop. Prior to working for the Atlantis Enquirer, he worked at a fake computer support call center, so we knew he was a skilled liar.